Online couples therapy with a Tavistock Relationships trained psychotherapist
Most couples who find me online are not looking for a therapist nearby. They are looking for someone who works with couples properly, and who understands why the same argument keeps returning no matter how reasonable both of you try to be.
I am Luisa Kos, a psychodynamic psychotherapist. I trained in couple psychotherapy at Tavistock Relationships, qualifying in 2015, and I continue to work there as a Visiting Clinician carrying out clinical assessments. My private practice is separate from that role. Online couples therapy is a service I offer in its own right, not a substitute for coming to my consulting room in Peckham. A large part of my couples work now happens on screen, with couples in London, elsewhere in the UK, and abroad.
Sessions are 50 minutes, weekly, at a regular time. £170 per session, and £190 for Saturday sessions.
Who I work with online
- Couples who live in different places, or where one of you travels for work
- British couples living abroad, and international couples living in the UK
- Couples dealing with an affair, or the aftermath of one
- Couples caught in recurring conflict, where the same row returns in different clothes
- Couples who have lost sexual and emotional closeness and cannot talk about it
- Parents under pressure, where the relationship has been squeezed out by logistics
- Couples weighing up whether to stay together or separate
- Couples who want a specialist couple psychotherapist rather than a general counsellor
- Individuals who want to understand why their relationships keep going the same way
You do not need to arrive with a diagnosis of your relationship. Most couples come with a vague sense of being stuck, and part of the work is finding out what is actually going on.
What I mean by psychodynamic couples therapy
Psychodynamic means I pay attention to what sits underneath the behaviour. The row about the washing up is rarely about the washing up. It tends to stand in for something older and harder to say: am I carrying this alone, am I still wanted, will you know what I need without my having to ask.
With couples, I work for the relationship rather than for either partner. You will not find me appointing a villain. Almost every stuck couple I meet is caught in a cycle both people build and both people suffer in, and the work is to see the cycle clearly enough to step out of it.
I also connect the present to the past, because the past is usually in the room whether we invite it or not. The person who cannot ask for care learned somewhere early that asking was pointless. The person who bristles at every question was once inspected and found wanting. When those links land, partners stop taking each other's defences personally, and there is more room to be generous.
Why training matters when you choose a couples therapist
Plenty of therapists see couples. Fewer have trained specifically in couple psychotherapy, and the difference shows in the room. Working with two people at once is a different discipline from working with one. You need to hold both accounts without collapsing into either, notice what is happening between you as it happens, and stay useful in a session where the temperature rises.
Tavistock Relationships is an internationally recognised centre specialising in couple psychotherapy. I trained there and I continue to assess couples for the organisation. That work keeps me in regular contact with a wide range of relationship difficulties and with clinical colleagues who think carefully about this.
How online sessions work
We meet by video at the same time each week. Sessions are 50 minutes.
If you live together, you are welcome to sit side by side at one screen. If you are in different places, or different countries, we use separate screens. Both arrangements work. What matters more is that each of you has somewhere private and uninterrupted to sit, and that you are not taking the session from a car, an office or a shared kitchen.
Online work suits couples who travel, who work irregular hours, who have young children asleep upstairs, or who live apart. It also removes the awkward journey home after a difficult session, which some couples find helpful and others miss. We talk about that.
Some couples combine formats, coming to Peckham when they are in London and meeting online the rest of the time. Where it helps, I sometimes weave individual sessions into couples work.
Working internationally
I work with couples outside the UK, and with couples where each partner comes from a different culture. My own background is Brazilian and I have lived in several countries, so questions of language, migration, culture and belonging are familiar rather than exotic to me. Those questions often turn out to be part of the difficulty: whose family expectations you are living by, whose country you settled in, what one of you gave up to be here.
I work in English and Portuguese.
Starting
We begin with an initial session that is simply a conversation: what brings you, what you are hoping for, and whether working with me feels right. The fit matters more than anything else in therapy, so there is no obligation to continue. I would rather you found the right therapist than politely persisted with the wrong one.
If one of you is keener than the other, that is ordinary, and it is not a reason to wait. Read Couples therapy when one of you is unsure.
Fees are £170 per session, 50 minutes, weekly. Saturday sessions are £190. I invoice monthly, payable by bank transfer, card or PayPal. Full details are on the Fees page.
Common questions
Does online couples therapy work as well as being in the room?
In my experience, yes, for most couples. The thing that makes couples therapy work is the quality of attention and the willingness of both people to keep turning up. Neither depends on the room. What online sessions ask of you is a bit more discipline about privacy and interruptions.
We live in different countries. Can we still do this?
Yes. I work with couples in separate locations regularly, and with couples living apart because of work. We find a time that is workable in both time zones and keep it fixed.
My partner is reluctant. Should I come alone?
You can, and many people do. Individual work on a relationship difficulty is useful in its own right, and sometimes the reluctant partner joins later once they see what the sessions actually involve.
What if we are trying to decide whether to separate?
That is legitimate work. Couples therapy is not always about staying together. Some of the most valuable work I do helps two people understand what happened between them, whether they stay or not.
How long does it take?
Some couples come for a few months of focused work. Others stay longer. We review it together rather than fixing a number at the start.