What is a situashionship?
A situationship is a romantic or sexual connection that looks like a relationship but isn’t clearly defined. It usually involves ongoing contact, emotional closeness and physical intimacy, without agreement about commitment, exclusivity or where things are heading. Situationships often feel intense but uncertain, leaving one or both people unsure of their place.
Is a situationship the same as dating?
No. Dating usually involves some shared understanding that you’re exploring the possibility of a relationship. A situationship tends to sit in a grey area where expectations are unclear or avoided.
In a situationship:
There’s often regular contact, but no clear label
Conversations about the future are vague or shut down
One person may want more than the other
The connection continues because it feels good enough, for now
Dating has uncertainty too, but situationships are defined by ongoing ambiguity.
What are the signs you’re in a situationship?
Common signs include:
You spend time together, but plans are last minute or inconsistent
You act like a couple in private, but not in public
There’s emotional closeness, but no commitment
You avoid asking “what are we?” or feel anxious about asking
You’re unsure whether you’re exclusive
You feel hopeful one moment and insecure the next
If you often feel confused about where you stand, that’s usually the clearest sign.
Why do situationships feel so intense?
Situationships often trigger strong emotional reactions because they combine closeness with uncertainty. The lack of clarity can heighten longing, anxiety and attachment.
Psychologically, this works a bit like intermittent reward:
You get connection and affection, but not consistently
Uncertainty keeps you focused on the other person
You may spend a lot of time analysing messages or behaviour
The emotional highs can feel very high, and the lows very low
This intensity can be mistaken for depth, even when the structure isn’t stable.
Are situationships unhealthy?
Not always, but many become painful over time.
A situationship can work if:
Both people genuinely want the same level of casual connection
Expectations are clear, even if commitment is low
Neither person feels stuck or waiting for more
They tend to become unhealthy when:
One person hopes it will turn into a relationship
Needs are minimised to keep the other person close
Anxiety, insecurity or self-doubt increase over time
The problem isn’t the label, it’s the mismatch.
How long do situationships usually last?
There’s no set timeframe, but many drift on for months or even years because nothing forces a decision. The longer they last, the harder it can feel to ask for clarity or leave.
People often stay because:
They’re hoping things will change
The connection feels better than being alone
They fear losing what they do have
They doubt they’re allowed to want more
Time alone doesn’t turn a situationship into a relationship. Something has to be spoken.
How do you know if a situationship is right for you?
Ask yourself:
Am I getting enough of what I need right now?
Do I feel calmer or more anxious since this started?
Am I being honest about what I want?
If nothing changed, would I be okay staying in this for six more months?
Your emotional state is usually more informative than the other person’s words.
How do you end a situationship?
Ending a situationship usually means being clear rather than dramatic.
Helpful steps include:
Get honest with yourself about what you want
Name the mismatch clearly and calmly
Avoid negotiating yourself down
Accept that clarity may end the connection
Create distance if needed, especially online
It’s common to feel grief after a situationship, even if it was never “official”.
Why do situationships affect self-esteem?
Situationships often make people question their worth because the lack of commitment can feel personal. Over time, this can feed self-doubt, people-pleasing or over-analysis.
Therapy can help untangle:
Why this dynamic feels familiar
What you learned to tolerate in past relationships
How to ask for what you want more directly
How to step away sooner when something doesn’t meet your needs
When should you seek support?
If you feel stuck in a cycle of unclear or one-sided relationships, talking to a therapist can help you understand the pattern rather than just this situation.
If you’re looking for a therapist who works with relationship dynamics, attachment and self-worth, you can explore options using The Therapist Finder, where you can search by location and speciality to find someone who feels like a good fit.